So, as I sat wondering what to write about, my mind kept going back to that quasi-devilish grin that I allowed myself the other day. “Ha, he’s the one in trouble, I’m safe!” – If not verbatim, at least this is the crux of what I was telling myself while empathetically hearing out Preeth’s ramblings. This is a clear symptom of the “It can’t happen to me!” syndrome that seems to be plaguing the human mind these days. Well, of course I had a reason and all that, but that it’s an instinctive human characteristic is my hypothesis here. One of our professors remarked that we possess a false sense of security which for instance, allows us to be confident about cracking an exam even though we know that we didn’t so much as glance at that last 30% of the course material. The amazing part is that even after looking dismayed at questions from that part of the course in the exam, we still manage to walk out with our head held high, thinking that it’d have been tough for everybody! And by the time the scores are out, all is forgotten and the next set of exams set in.

Talking of exams, I saw a Hindi movie at the end of our 4^th term exams (before the horrifying events in Mumbai unfolded) called “A Wednesday” that was about terrorism and a common man’s uncommon response to it. At the risk of admonishment from the core team (we’re NOT supposed to write movie reviews here), let me delve a little into the theme of that movie that stuck with me. Bomb blasts have become so common in India these days that it’s almost routine “breaking news” for the media, so much that sometimes an actor’s intestinal problems are given more importance. Why is it this way? Like the protagonist in the movie puts it, we get used to atrocities very easily. As soon as there’s news about an explosion, it’s all over the channels, websites, papers and we gorge in the details with utmost concern. Frantic calls to friends and relatives in the affected areas to confirm their well-being coupled with some “Where’s the world going to?” conversations and the episode is soon forgotten. Till the next bomb goes off in a place where somebody we care for, lives. Somehow, we have this innate belief that this can’t happen to me! I’d like to believe that the Mumbai episode has changed this thinking in many of us, but to what extent? Enough to comment that the country’s polity is ruled by corrupt, inefficient aficionados who chose to rest on their backs despite getting prior intelligence information about the attacks? Maybe I’m being too harsh on the populace here. Or maybe it’s the sense of helplessness that ironically helps this feeling set in. I mean, what CAN you do if an RDX explodes beneath your seat in the bus? So why worry about it in the first place because IF it happens to me, I’d be history before I could do anything about it. Or perhaps, we don’t perceive ourselves as powerful enough to combat the terror powers of the world and end up developing a strong inner belief system that keeps reminding us that somehow I shall never fall victim to this madness.

Another instance of this syndrome was seen in our responses to the current financial crisis. Though temporarily sidelined by the terror-strike, the home loans that are threatening to leave us all homeless still receive an ode or two in any discussion, report, lecture, or news item. Again a classic example of our fetish for that false sense of security; this time backed by stinking mortgages. After dozens of articles, cartoons, debates and forwards, we now know that housing prices do not always go up and every single loan in a pile of MBSs can actually default! But by dismissing this as another case of the frivolity of the American spending culture that will never happen in India, aren’t we again falling into the same It can’t happen to me trap? Of course the conservative Indian mindset, together with the goons (loan recovery agents, if you may!) that our banks infamously deploy will help in preventing such a calamity befalling our financial system, but in this open world economy of today the butterfly effect is well and truly operational. Ask those investors who lost their fortunes on the red October (Friday, the 10^th of October, 2008 when the Sensex nose-dived) or ask that college topper who declined multiple job offers because Lehman had given him a green slip. Dinner-table discussions reveal such mishaps happening twice over to people in the batch – those who graduated from institutes in 2001-02 faced tremendous pressures due to the dotcom bust and 9/11. Many such people struggled their ways through corporate life and embarked upon the MBA journey this year, shelling out their life’s savings for that degree that’d put them on the fast track only to see history repeat itself in a slightly different (and stronger perhaps?) flavour. So, if it can happen to them many times over, it sure can happen to me (or you!) anytime, isn’t it?

 

Hey by the way, did I just unearth the next potential Nobel-winning theory? Duh, it can’t happen to me!

 

One of the many pearls of wisdom I’ve learnt in the past 6 months is that there are two major aspects that make a team great at work – Math and Chemistry. The variables involved in the math are categorical in nature and represent the skill-sets and/or work experience of the student. The criterion is to eliminate the possibility of duplication in a group. For instance, no group has two chartered accountants (CAs). The institute tries to be as stringent as possible with this rule, but then there are so many of the infamous, though widely popular IIMs (Indian, IT, Male) in the class, this sometimes doesn’t work out. But the bottomline is to bring in as many diverse backgrounds and varied experiences as possible in every group. Add to this the fact that being a strongly opinionated person is almost a prerequisite to receiving the congratulatory message from the ISB admissions office, and you have the perfect recipe for WAR. It’s almost as if everybody has agreed to disagree beforehand. And that my friend, is precisely the challenge you face first up when u decide to get back to school. Tell me a better way (read “easier way”) to prepare oneself for the challenge of working closely with strangers and getting things done under extreme deadline pressures and I’d be goddamn interested.

 

Once the math issue is addressed for the majority of the populace (I did pity the CA-less groups during Investment Analysis homeworks!), its time to get some Chemistry into place. It’s not a breakthrough innovation that the attitude of “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts” is the backbone of a great team. But then, how do you ensure good chemistry between people who haven’t even met each other ever in their lives? Well, you don’t! The institute just takes care of the math and then sits back to see the drama unfold as these strangers go through high-octane debates, discussions, fights, fallouts and eventually labour-division in search of the optimal strategy to get things done with high quality under insane timelines as a group. It doesn’t require a rocket scientist (or an MBA for that matter!) to find out that the optimal 3rd term strategy is for the accountant to do the asset valuations of Corporate Finance while the engineer optimizes the Operations homework.

Interesting stories do the rounds on campus gossip regarding study group meetings – from potential dean-listers arguing over 4th decimal errors in a 2% weightage assignment at 4 AM to the group that allotted turns for every member to go and drop the report in the submission box on time. Top talent typically struggles at teamwork, and you get to see ample evidence of this theory at bschool. Egos get hurt, allegations are made, responsibilities are shirked, commitments are questioned and competencies are challenged. But… the work gets done. Through this entire milieu that lasts for more than 30 hours a week for half a year, few people find out they just can’t tolerate that Page-3 celebrity attitude in some, while a few others find that special person they can’t live without for the rest of their lives! The moderately lucky fellas like me get to enjoy good company at 4:30 in the morning over a heady combination of Heineken and Haldiram!

 

THAT to me, is diversity!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This qualifies as my first spam (last?) to our section.

My farewell song to our stupendous section is an adaptation of Baz Luhrmann’s famous Sunscreen Song.

It was great knowing you folks. I take with me lots of memories and learnings; a big heartfelt thanks to each one of you.

Love,

K

–

Ladies and Gentlemen of section F of the class of ’09,

 

 

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, accurate asset valuation would be it. The long term benefits of sound asset valuation have been proved by Prof Subra and his ilk whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now

 

 

Enjoy the power and connections of the ISB network; oh never mind; you will not understand the power and connections of the ISB network unless you fall out of the circle some day.

 

 

Trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself in class and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how you could sit through 8.15 AM classes and how you took in SAIT and MGTO in one day….

 

 

Your grades are not as bad as you imagine.

 

 

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve DMOP assignments all by yourself.

 

 

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind a few days before the GSBC exam; they are usually the kind that vaguely occur to you in a 4 AM drunken stupor after a batch party and come back to haunt you with the hangover.

 

 

Do one thing everyday that makes you remember ISB and this fabulous year we all spent here.

 

 

Gym.

 

 

Don’t suck up to your boss.

 

 

Don’t put up with juniors who suck up to you.

 

 

Find time to enjoy your child’s first step. First words. Maybe his/her first ‘A’

Grade.

 

 

Don’t waste your time keeping track of the love affairs on campus. There just may be a time when your name will be doing the rounds.

 

 

Remember those who helped you write out each of your MADM assignments.

 

 

Remember those who nursed you back to health; even when the ailment was just a hangover.

 

 

Forget the ones who were intellectual King Kongs and yet losers enough to make you feel like a ‘diversity’ candidate. When you succeed at this, tell me how!

 

 

Keep your old smses sent in class especially to make you stay awake.

 

 

Throw away old assignments marked over in red.

 

 

Remember to thank each bench partner who giggled with you through

mundane 2.15 PM classes.

 

 

Remember also that ‘true’ love will come and go. But the guy who played his mandolin for you at 2.15 AM when you were freaking out about a presentation will always be there.

 

 

Don’t feel guilty if you switch careers once in every two years….one of my ex-colleagues is a millionaire through stock options, 45 years old and still doesn’t know what he wants to do.

 

 

Fall recklessly in love. Enjoy the bitter sweet moments it brings along.

 

 

Be kind to your parents. You’ll miss them when they are gone.

 

 

Maybe some of us will turn billionaires. Maybe some of us will be monks who sell off our Ferraris. At least one or two of us should end up marrying a hot Bollywood star. But always remember this year and the friends you made since they loved you without these bells and whistles.

 

 

Enjoy your work.

 

 

Read something non-work related everyday.

 

 

Learn to pray/meditate/relax/de-stress.  Trust me, there is nothing like an evening yoga class with your gang.

 

 

Dance without inhibitions, without apprehensions. Really, nobody is looking.

 

 

Sing while you walk.

 

 

Sing to your sweetheart on the phone.  

 

 

Surprise your siblings by sending them flowers. They are probably the best

link to understanding yourself.  

 

 

Understand that true friends teach you CFIN a night before the exam without treating you like a bozo.

 

 

These are the ones you learn to give up your life for.

 

 

Smile when you mean it. Let your smile reach your eyes.

 

 

Cut out the BS Bingo in your lives. Really, an MBA from ISB is a lot more than jargon.

 

 

Learn to appreciate humor. All forms of it including sleazy jokes since you really never need a reason more than that to enjoy a good laugh.

 

 

Do NOT discuss grades/hikes/incentives/perks/appraisals in the office pantry. You will be unpopular and even an entire PR machinery cannot help you then.

 

Take a long holiday with your partner.

 

 

Even better, take a 10-day break with your buddies from ISB every year.

 

 

Discuss threadbare right NOW if corruption is really good for society. Since there never will be the time or passion for such discussions in the future.

 

 

Spell check all your documents before sending them out. Lest your boss sends you back an amendment that says “did you mean pantry or panty” while referring to the changes in the coffee machines and snacks menu.

 

 

Don’t expect your partner to understand humor in songs like “aa ante”. It is just an ISB thing.

 

 

Maybe you will have an arranged marriage. Maybe you’ll find your soul mate right here in ISB. Maybe you’ll elope. Maybe you will not marry. Either which ways, whenever there is a party, please invite me..

 

 

Don’t let anyone take you for granted. Learn that there will be this one special person who you will gladly allow yourself to be walked over by and not complain.

 

 

My advise is entirely my own. Maybe you’ll laugh at this email. Maybe we will discuss this when we meet at the 2019 Solstice.

 

But trust me on one thing, asset evaluations ARE important… 

 

PS – This is an email I had sent out to the section two days before our Term 4 final exams in one of those oh-so-emotional moments (maybe I should have been studying then!). Our core terms have come to an end. With this the sections also split up as we get re-grouped according to our electives. Here’s to the electives section being as much fun as Section F!

“We should inventorize our core competencies“, thundered NCX-10, the CEO of BS industries, Inc. at one of their never ending corporate meetings.

To which, his close right hand IFRS9000, the CFO replied “But our degree of operating leverage is not up there. Do we consider EVA when we make these assertions?”

An already flustered 3P4C, the Marketing VP interjected “But can we engineer cross-media eyeballs, so our channel advantage is leveraged?”

Eventually, NCX-10 broke the impasse with this strategic vision statement that’d have made Alexander proud “We shall leverage our five forces advantage, play the different game with innovative brick-and-mortar platforms and achieve sustainable comparative advantage“.

This was met with vigorous head-nods by all and sundry and the meeting concluded with visions of a secure future for BS Industries, Inc.

Boardroom BS is often only a satirised aspect of the corporate world. However, one rarely asks the question where and what went into the making of such jargon spouting, Gucci sporting, smooth talking managers. Funny that it may sound, boardroom BS is not a product of years of robotic brainwashing in the corporate world. If anything, it traces itself to a more innocuous aspect of bschool training – Class Participation.  Often a very minor component of one’s grade in an MBA course, CP is what trains the innocent, untarnished mind of a B-school freshman to pull off rambling, esoteric, incoherent one-liner hollow sermons such as the one I just presented above.

How did you reach above conclusion, one may ask? Imagine young, hopeful, hot-blooded, visionary freshman who has just been admitted to a prestigious B-school. Subject is highly enthusiastic, has grandiose plans of changing the world around him and considers himself the solution to all of the world’s problems. Subject soon finds himself thrown in a class of 74 other subjects – some of whom even more visionary than his own self. Throw in a 10% class participation weightage, an unsuspecting professor who believes the role of the instructor is facilitation and a course heavy on jargon that no one knows head or tail of and entertainment ensues. As each point laced with layers of jargon is found to ‘add value’ to your experience, the innocent class participating freshman mutates into one who painfully words statements oozing with buzzwords, where meaning is unnecessarily concealed within artifical layers of misplaced conceptual terminology. The only jargon that might be apt advice for such situations is KISS – Keep It Simple, Stupid!

Having lambasted the phenomenon of class participation that often turns into crass participation, I think the phenomenon is not without its merits. MBA students who often realize the farce they are succumbing to can sometimes poke fun at themselves and others who are still living within the vortex of complicating life through jargon. Enter games such as “BS Bingo”

Games such as these represent the sane MBA students’ response to random crass participation. In fact, the practice of counting incoherent, misplaced instances of jargon and pointing out the same to unsuspecting jargon-addicts can be a healthy deterrent to these individuals.

Al Gore, the U.S. vice President known to be liberal in his use of technology terms had a first hand experience of this during his 1996 graduation address at MIT. A Buzzword Bingo sheet was circulated to note the number of terms Gore inserted in his speech, a joke he was made aware of later.

Opinions about class participation are often extreme and hotly debated. But the next time, you are subjected to it, you can probably generate your own or choose to fight the bull. After all an MBA is all about harmonising strategic relationships, creating two-sided networks and incentivising critical developmental areas.

So, what is it about an MBA that prompts such a seemingly sensible person to shake up his smooth-sailing livelihood cruise? Well… ahem… u know… the gamut of career opportunities open to an MBA grad are much greater than to others. Sure, I can write another one of those myriad How an MBA changed my life stories, but the fact is that Morpheus was spot-on when he looked into Neo’s eyes through his rimless goggles and said “Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is… you have to see it for yourself!”

In more ways than one, people like Neo who are unhappy with their present lives and find predictability boring are the ones who end up making such decisions. I was neither unhappy nor am I a great fan of chaos, so why did I?

Those of you not from the southern part of India (and indeed, a sizeable chunk of educated, rational people from there as well) will readily agree to the lack of logic behind the success of Asia’s 2^nd highest-paid actor, Superstar Rajnikanth. Picture this – He turns 59 this December, and his last movie where he played a 30-year old NRI romancing a 25 year-old village belle (she’s about the same age in real life as well!), earned him 2.6 billion INR. This, despite the absence of skills and attributes that are must-haves for an Indian actor in the 21^st century like dancing, good looks and a good physique makes it outrageously nonsensical. So what’s his success mantra? People say it’s his style and my friends from other parts of the world dismiss it as public insanity but none of what I write here could possibly explain the exhilaration experienced by a fan when he whistles and shouts to the peril of losing his voice during the premiere of a new Rajni movie amidst 300 other such maniacs in a modest theatre in Chennai. You have to see it for yourself!

You may want to ask the others what they have in store because, being a true-blue Morpheus fan, “All I’m offering is the truth. Nothing more!”

Read on to see what my mind and body go through in this conundrum they call the MBA; hopefully you’ll know which pill to swallow!